There are many effective practices that help promote healing and personal growth for adult children of dysfunctional family systems, adult children of alcoholic/addicts, ACOA, childhood trauma survivors, narcissistic abuse survivors, CPTSD. But few are more powerful and multi-dimensional than physical exercise. The myriad of holistic health benefits of exercise, along with its usefulness in self-discovery, mean that if you only pursued greater physical fitness along your self-improvement journey, you’d still experience massive transformation.

Exercise activates all four of the key pillars in my signature methodology, The REHAB FOR EVERYONE Lifestyle Approach to Healing & Personal Development. The 4 pillars are Boundaries, Movement, Exploration, and Energetic Self-Care. (Learn more about REHAB FOR EVERYONE here.)

If you find yourself struggling to launch into your self-improvement journey, or your healing and growth have stalled – consider adding some type of physical exercise/movement therapy to your daily routine. It doesn’t have to be an hour-long workout; just choose some type of exercise/physical movement routine that resonates with you and commit to a small daily goal you can stick with and build upon.

Here are five reasons why exercise/movement therapy is a powerful tool to jump start and sustain your self improvement journey.

Note: Yoga happens to be a wonderful option because of its spiritual nature, and because many yoga teachers are trained in the psychological benefits of movement. But it’s certainly not the only option.

1. Physical exercise/movement therapy conditions us for the self-improvement journey

We may not be climbing Everest, but at times, the self-improvement journey will feel that way. This journey entails some of the hardest, yet most meaningful work a human can do – and it’s a years-long experience filled with peaks and valleys. If we want to make meaningful change for ourselves in this lifetime, we can’t allow poor or mediocre health to distract our efforts. We must condition ourselves for the path ahead.

Getting physically fit conditions not just our body, but our mindset as well. It makes us more confident and resilient, which increases the likelihood that we’ll power through the challenges  we’re sure to encounter and continue onward with the journey long-term.

2. Physical exercise/movement therapy helps us redefine ourselves through improved health and habit creation

By setting even the smallest of incremental goals around exercise each day, we give ourselves the opportunity to stick to what we say we’re going to do and achieve daily wins – which helps us build confidence and self-trust. Confidence and self-trust, when cultivated, help us replace the old, faulty beliefs that keep us stuck. We transition from thinking: “I am what the dysfunctional people in my life taught me I am.” to “I am a person who puts in consistent daily effort to achieve my goals. I am a person who is in charge of his/her health. I have the power to create change in my life.”

As you see – exercise gives us a concrete daily action through which we can prove new truths/beliefs to ourselves. New beliefs shift our identity and the way we perceive the world around us, which is the pinnacle of self-improvement.

Sticking to our exercise commitments will also reveal actual physical results – better health, more energy, weight loss, muscle growth, hormone balance – which are real-life proof that we are indeed in control of igniting positive change in our lives.

3. Physical exercise/movement therapy reduces stress

Stress makes everything more difficult. It can stall healing and personal development completely because it throws us into survival mode, where we spin in old, dysfunctional habits. And if you struggle with CPTSD and emotional dysregulation, stress makes it harder to cope with triggers.

Learning how to manage stress is critical to forward momentum on the self-improvement journey. Exercise is perhaps the best way to do that due to its ability to reduce stress hormones while stimulating mood-elevating endorphins.

 4. Physical exercise/movement therapy facilitates self-discovery

Physical stagnation leads to mental/emotional stagnation. When we fail to move the physical body daily, or at least on a regular basis, we create stagnation across our lives. We must get all parts of the holistic self flowing freely by moving differently and challenging ourselves physically, as well as throughout our lives – and the most straightforward way to do that is through physical exercise/movement therapy.

Exercise is a powerful cure for holistic stagnation because us bring us face to face with ourselves in ways we don’t expect. In cultivating exercise habits, we’ll observe ourselves succeeding and failing; sticking with it and quitting; testing our limits and being lazy; achieving results and experiencing setbacks. It’s in all these different encounters that we learn about ourselves and determine how best to evolve.

5. Exercise raises your frequency

According to the law of attraction, like attracts like. We are constantly attracting people, circumstances, and experiences that match our current vibrational frequency. So, if we want to create a happier, more fulfilled life, we must learn how to cultivate happiness, fulfillment and other high-vibe beliefs/emotions within ourselves.

Physical exercise/movement therapy is a powerful tool for raising your vibe because even just a little bit improves how you feel; and sticking with it to achieve short and long term results improves what you believe about yourself.

Good or great health vibrates higher than mediocre or poor health. Confidence and vibrancy vibrate higher than insecurity and self-doubt.

So, it’s time to start moving!

We’ve got all the reasons in the world to start a new exercise/movement therapy routine, As you can see, the benefits are plentiful and there’s so much to look forward to as we heal and grow. It’s just so worth it to put in the effort to make it all happen.

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The post Self-Improvement: 5 Reasons Why Exercise is Powerful Movement Therapy for Dysfunctional Childhood Survivors, including ACOA appeared first on Danielle D'Onofrio.

People let us down. It’s part of life. But if you’ve survived emotional trauma in past relationships – let down can feel like a devastating confirmation that people, in general, are unsafe.

As adult children, we’re generally quite good at coping with the ups and downs of relationships. Afterall, we’ve grown and developed under conditions that primed us for it.

But as we navigate deeper into healing and growth, our defenses soften and we find ourselves yearning for authentic connection, intimacy and a wider circle. And it’s no wonder.  Relationships and community are some of the most important aspects of life and longevity. Humans have an innate need for love, affection, support and interpersonal joy.  So, as we progress along our own journeys, we must learn to integrate healthy relationships in a functional way.

The good news is, you’ll naturally attract healthy relationships as you heal and grow.

Based on the law of attraction, we’re always going to attract people (and things, opportunities, experiences, etc.) that vibe with our current thoughts and energy. As you improve, so will your relationships.

Just remember to keep up your stamina and prepare for turnover.

Healing lasts a lifetime and there’s A LOT of personal change involved. You’re going to attract (and repel) different people at every stage of your journey. Some people will stick around for the long run. But many will fall away as you grow, upgrade your standards, develop a deeper sense of self-love and self-respect, and become more skilled in setting boundaries.

While this “shedding” of sorts will feel sad and difficult and even threatening at times, it’s critical to (lovingly) let go when the time comes.

Keeping people around when you’ve outgrown them will stagnate your growth and create an environment where dysfunction can fester.

And look, letting go is hard. In fact, our conditioning often compels us to do the opposite. The impulse will be to cling – to abandon yourself to avoid being abandoned.

It’s moments like these when we must recognize our conditioning and act despite it.

It’ll all feel unfamiliar at first, because it’s new. But that’s OK. In many ways, familiarity is what we want to avoid when it comes to healing and growth.

To ensure your conditioning doesn’t sabotage your progress, approach healthy relationships building with intention (and rules). You’ll find both below in my 5 Key Tips for Building Healthy Relationships in the New Year.

(Note: I’m big on setting rules for myself because they help me stick to new behaviors rather than falling back to old conditioning – especially in relationships. So, with each tip you’ll see an example rule you can set for yourself. Use mine or create your own!)

5 Key Tips for Building Healthy Relationships in the New Year

1. Set an intention.

If you’re headed somewhere new in your life, it’s important to know which direction “somewhere” is. Otherwise, it’ll be impossible to make sound decisions and stay on course along the way.

You can determine your direction by visualizing your future. Get started by asking yourself some questions, like: if I had a crystal ball, what would my life look like 5, 10, 20 years from now? More specifically, who are the people around me and what are they like? What do my relationships FEEL like?

Write your answers in a journal. This will serve as your intention, or the guiding light that leads you toward healthy relationships moving forward.

Example rule to set for yourself:

I will honor my intention by having the discipline to reject toxic relationships that hinder my healing and growth.

2. Reject codependent behaviors from yourself and others.

Many of us struggle with codependency, which is when we look to other people to help us define our worth and sense of self. We do this through people pleasing, rushing to help or rescue others, and “performing” rather than revealing our authentic selves.

Codependency is a dysfunctional trait that will work against you in the process of building healthy relationships, because it keeps the focus on other people. It also attracts dysfunctional personalities who detect our willingness to bend to their needs and whims.

Example rule to set for yourself:

When the impulse to please, rescue or perform shows up in my relationships, I will observe and acknowledge that impulse rather than act on it.

3. Determine your own rules of engagement (i.e., set boundaries)

Just like trauma responses, relationship habits are hard to break. Without consideration and planning, it’s easy to slip into old, toxic behaviors (and accept them from others).

So, with your intention in mind, take time to contemplate what’s acceptable and what’s not for you in your relationships. Think about the features of a relationship that make you feel joyful, supported and safe vs. uneasy, anxious and unworthy.  You can also be more intentional about how much personal information you share, how much time you spend with certain people, where you get together, how you communicate…

Keep in mind that everyone has different boundaries and some people have no boundaries at all. You’ll also find that, quite often, people will take offense to your boundaries and react in unpleasant ways. None of this is your concern, though. You set the rules of engagement. If someone wants to be a part of your life, they respect your boundaries. Period.

Example rule to set for yourself:

I will communicate and maintain my boundaries regardless of how others feel about them – because by having boundaries, I am upholding my right to feel safe and at ease in my relationships.

4. Slow down and classify your connections

My husband taught me this one while I was struggling with a new friend a while back. He said to me, “You don’t have to make everyone your best friend. You have to put people into buckets.”

His point was that only some people belong in your inner circle. Others should be kept on the outer rim. And many shouldn’t be let in at all.

In other words, I had to start raising my standards when it came to who got access to my life.

Deep down, I already knew this. But I was ignoring red flags and letting too many people in, too quickly – which set me up for a lot of drama and disappointment.  

Over time, I learned to slow down, get to know a person better, observe how I feel around them, and watch how they behave toward others – before becoming too vulnerable.

Example rule to set for yourself:

I will not give away my heart, mind, time or privacy for free. My life is exclusive; people must earn access.

5. Get Picky About Your Circle

This one’s really an add-on to the previous tip. It’s meant to help shift your mindset and instill a little attitude.

When it comes to people and relationships, some of us (myself included) can default into accepting any kind of relationship dynamic because we just want to make more friends. Quantity gives us a sense of security and helps us feel less alone (and less likely to be abandoned).

Casting too wide a net doesn’t set us up for healthy relationships, though. It sets us up for disappointment because we’re allowing too many people into our lives without running them through an intentional filter.

So, I encourage you to start getting very picky about who you let into your circle. You can do this by determining in advance what your filter allows through. Your filter will take into account your intention, your boundaries, the difference between your inner and outer circle, and how long you’ve known a person.

This doesn’t mean you’re blocking out healthy relationships for fear of hurt and disappointment. It means you recognize your worth.

Embracing these tips, along with an overall focus on healing and personal growth, will spark major change in how you build healthy relationships.

Just remember, it’s a process.  You’re not going to get it right every time. I still fumble when allowing different people into my life. I also catch my old conditioning creep into my behaviors from time to time. But as we become more aware of our tendencies and better skilled in implementing healthy behaviors, relationship dynamics continue to improve.

Relationship building is just one aspect of my healing and personal development lifestyle methodology. Learn more about the methodology by downloading my FREE eBook here.

Also, follow on Facebook or Instagram for daily tips and inspiration.

Pictures taken on a family hike in Glastonbury, Connecticut – Fall 2022

The post 5 Key Tips for Building Healthy Relationships in the New Year appeared first on Danielle D'Onofrio.

In this next episode of the What Healing Looks Like Series, I share a personal story about my recent struggle with anxiety. In this period of time – mostly leading up to the holidays – I lived day after day with an impending sense of doom, mostly centered around personal health fears.

While a steady hum of mild anxiety is sort of the baseline for me, this months-long episode was new and scary.

It took a lot of exploration and experimenting to figure out how to pull myself out.

Well, I was able to pull myself out.  But it took a bit more trial and error than I’m used to.

Anxiety affects the physical body and, for me, is always initiated and exacerbated by stress.

And in this recent experience, my physical body took over to the point that my usual go-to – the power of thought – couldn’t quite pull me out. So, I realized I had to work on my physical body first.

There were 2 specific things I did to calm my physical body down enough that I could then reason with myself.

Then, I could use some amateur (I am not a doctor or therapist) cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) on myself. CBT-style practices helped me realize that my excessive worry was not based in reality, or factual evidence.  

Truth is, I sort of feel like anxiety stole the holidays from me this year.

But I gained such valuable, lifelong tools that it feels worth the temporary suffering. And, that’s what suffering can do for us, if we keep an open heart and mind. It can teach us.

I will have these new self-care lessons with me forever. Each time anxiety tries to creep in, I have new, personally proven steps to take. They’ll no doubt help me. And I really hope they help you, too.

I appreciate you being here. Thanks for listening!

The post Anxiety – A Personal Story – Podcast Ep. 2 appeared first on Danielle D'Onofrio.

Setting boundaries lets people know what we will and will not tolerate in our sphere of influence.

Boundaries protect us from people, ideas, opinions, and behaviors that make us feel unsafe or distract from our mission of healing and growth. Therefore, they’re a critical part of the healing journey and a happy, productive life.

In this episode of the podcast, I share the story of my experience starting a local club this past fall. 

I failed to clearly state my vision and rules of membership with the launch of this club. The lack of clarity invited in ideas, opinions and behaviors that distracted from my mission. The distraction made me feel defensive and anxious. But, when I finally did clarify my vision and rules, the experience was far more enjoyable, because I felt safer and empowered in my ability to protect myself and what I was creating.

Needless to say, this was a powerful lesson in personal boundaries. Listen to the full podcast episode to learn more about why boundaries are important, what happens when we set them, and how to handle people’s reactions.

Starting a club reminded me of the importance of exclusivity in all areas of life.

You can’t make everyone happy. If we try to be everything for everyone, we end up a watered-down version of our amazingly unique selves. For anything to be valuable and productive, there needs to be healthy boundaries that essentially define what (or who) it is, and what (or who) it’s for.

So, set boundaries. Be clear on what you will and will not tolerate.

I appreciate you being here. Thanks for listening!

The post Boundaries – A Personal Story – Podcast Ep. 1 appeared first on Danielle D'Onofrio.

­­­­­­­­­­­­Adult child is a term that typically describes adults who endured dysfunction and abuse during childhood due to alcoholic, drug-addicted, narcissistic or emotionally immature parents/caregivers. Examining the term adult child and its associated traits is a powerful step in the healing and personal development process. However, I believe we need to broaden the definition for the benefit of those whose personal struggles originate from less obvious forms of dysfunction and abuse.

My definition, which you’ll read more about in the post below, is as follows:

Adult child: anyone who struggles to thrive in one or more areas of life due to faulty beliefs acquired during childhood.

While I don’t cover it in this post, it’s important to know that thriving in all areas of life is entirely possible for adult children. Learn about my signature approach to healing and personal development for adult children here.

Let’s start with the mainstream definition of adult child, which overtly connects one’s personal struggle(s) with having alcoholic, drug-addicted, narcissistic or emotionally immature parents/caregivers.

The personal struggles that present after growing up in a home with alcoholic, drug-addicted, narcissistic or emotionally immature parents/caregivers are heavy and pervasive. The trauma and inner pain that result from the emotional abuse inherent to these types of dysfunctional family environments have far reaching effects in one’s adult life. The label adult child and its associated traits are meant to help us pinpoint, communicate and resolve those effects.

Alcoholic, drug-addicted, narcissistic and emotionally immature parents/caregivers often fly under the radar.

There are many more adult children than who presently identify as such. Unless a parent or caregiver receives formal diagnosis as alcoholic, addicted, narcissistic or personality disordered, most people remain unaware or in denial of the dysfunction they’ve endured since childhood.

And formal diagnosis is somewhat rare. These types of afflictions go unseen or enabled, flying under the radar for decades or a lifetime. They fly under the radar partially because most alcoholics, addicts and narcissists are covert with highly refined skills in lying and manipulation. On top of their covertness, those who exist within their family systems learn to rationalize and excuse their behavior. It’s a cycle that keeps everyone involved blind and stuck in a fog of dysfunction and abuse.

Some adult children don’t have blatantly alcoholic, addicted or personality disordered parents.

Alcoholism, addiction and narcissism are family diseases/disorders. They pass from generation to generation, to widely varying degrees. For example, your parent may not drink or use drugs. But if their parent(s) did, they likely carried dysfunctional family traits into their own adulthood and parenting, which then impacted you. They can have narcissistic, addictive, or codependent tendencies without having full-blown personality disorders or disease.

The generational aspect doesn’t stop until someone wakes up and sets out to heal, thereby reducing or eliminating the amount of generational pain passed on to their own children. Unfortunately, it’s much more common that people are completely blind to it. This is why it persists for generations. It’s also why addiction and mental health issues have reached epidemic proportions.

If you’re here reading this, it means you’re aware and in a position to break the cycle for yourself and your own family.

Nearly everyone struggles to some degree due to unresolved trauma originating somewhere in their family tree.

As with most things, one’s relation to the term adult child will vary across a wide-spectrum. Your childhood doesn’t need to have been dramatic and entirely dysfunctional for you to have carried traits and/or beliefs into adulthood that now keep you from thriving in the ways you aspire to.

No matter where you fall on the adult child spectrum, healing and growth are possible.

I offer a unique and accessible path to healing and personal development for individuals looking to break through their conditioning and create a truly awesome life. Learn more here.

The post Adult Child: Expanded Definition appeared first on Danielle D'Onofrio.