You guys, we need to talk about Kravis.
You know, Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker?
The entertainment media is having a field day hyping their relationship as the Hollywood romance of the year. And the duo is certainly playing to all the mainstream attention. But I’m telling you, all I see are red flags!
And look, I know it’s easy to get caught up in the glitz and glam of the rich and famous. But this relationship dynamic is not something we should be idolizing or rewarding with our attention.
I acknowledge it’s tricky to judge. We’re not in the relationship, nor do we get a complete picture from Hulu and social media. But what Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker choose to portray for public consumption is, quite frankly, disturbing.
These celebrities are purposefully sharing aspects of their lives to influence us into watching their show and buying their brands.
So, we as consumers must play our part by responsibly evaluating and discussing what we’re watching. It’s important for our own individual awareness, but also for society. As the people they wish to capitalize on, we must hold all businesses (and that’s what each Kardashian is at this point) accountable. We have to challenge not only their motives, but also the residual effect their messaging has on our culture.
So, let’s talk about it.
The relationship dynamics we see from Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker on social media and reality TV aren’t just cringeworthy, they’re utterly dysfunctional. And the way they behave in front of their kids is emotionally neglectful at best.
We’ll get into the dysfunctional behavior in a sec, though.
What I really want to point out is the commonality between Kourtney Kardashian’s past and present partners.
Scott Disick and Travis Barker have a glaring vice in common – one that’s quite telling about who Kourtney’s attracted to and the role that plays in the behavior we see portrayed on our screens.
If you’ve paid any attention to the 20-year reign of the Kardashians, you know that Scott Disick and Kourtney Kardashian have 3 kids together and tried for years to mend a broken relationship. Scott’s substance abuse issues led to their permanent separation.
Now, I would give 100% kudos to Kourtney for drawing the line with Scott. I had hope when she finally cut things off and decided she deserved a better partner. But now she’s attached herself to another guy with substance abuse issues (supposedly in his past) and a very strange demeaner when it comes to relational interactions. I mean, the fawning bit is characteristic of his type, but so unattractive if you’re looking for a strong and stable man.
The pattern in Kourtney’s choice of men offers a good example of the fact that there’s no escaping the pull of our unhealed wounds. Law of attraction is always at play; there’s no amount of money or fame that can change that.
So, why is Kourtney Kardashian becoming most intimately involved and committed to men with substance abuse issues in their past or present?
Why does anyone?
Well, there’s something from her early life experience that’s led to behaviors that attract addicted/impulsive personalities – and make such personalities attractive to her.
I don’t know that we’d ever figure out exactly what’s happened in her past. But I can tell you that someone who’s grown up tending to an addicted/alcoholic, narcissistic, or emotionally immature personality (usually a parent or caregiver) is well groomed to accept similar personalities as friends and romantic partners in adulthood.
(On TikTok, life coach and relationship expert @therealebjohnson outlines why she thinks Momager Kris Jenner is narcissistic – pointing to the toxic, tumultuous relationships of the Kardashian/Jenner children as key evidence.)
Just like all other people, addicts and impulsive personalities pick up subtle cues that tell them if someone will be a suitable romantic partner or friend.
And by “suitable” I mean someone who will tend to their dysfunctional needs and demands.
The self-centered, pleasure seeking, discomfort-avoiding, child-like addict/impulsive personality seeks people who will help or rescue them; avoid making them feel uncomfortable; bend over backward to keep them happy and calm; and stir up just enough drama to keep them entertained but never threatened.
Kourtney Kardashian must fit that bill for Travis. I honestly feel for her. A few months (maybe years) down the line, she’s going to feel trapped. Mark my word.
Now, I have a lot of respect for addicts and alcoholics who’ve been able to get off drugs and alcohol for an extended period and who consistently work on themselves to be better and do better.
People with substance abuse issues have every right to heal and attract a good life. But any addict in recovery will tell you: “once an addict, always an addict.” Recovery lasts a lifetime. Just because someone isn’t using doesn’t mean they no longer exhibit impulsive, self-centered, destructive behaviors.
So, we must hold ourselves and others accountable.
If we realize many of the people in our life have substance abuse problems in their past or present, we have to assess why that pattern is showing up for us.
Really, it’s important to assess all patterns that show up in our lives.
We must also realize that we won’t experience new relationship outcomes until we change our own behavior. We change our own behavior by healing old wounds and developing into more conscious, aware, genuinely happy individuals.
(Check out my FREE eBook to discover my take on how to go about doing that.)
Now, there are a few things in the Travis Barker narrative that point toward healing and growth.
He’s supposedly clean from a debilitating addiction to opioids, alcohol and marijuana. And as a vegan, perhaps he’s somewhat health conscious?
But there’s also a lot of truly cringeworthy behavior we see featured on The Kardashians reality show that leads me to believe he’s simply replaced his drug and alcohol addiction with other things.
And in reeling in Reality Star Kourtney Kardashian, he’s now giving us a front row seat into how that all manifests in a relationship (or the public display of such). And the most disturbing part is that there are kids involved and it’s broadcast all over the world to mesmerize and exploit impressionable people.
Yes, we all have issues. No one is perfect. But society and culture will continue to decline if we glamorize and reward rude, dysfunctional behavior.
So, what are the dysfunctional behaviors leading me to these conclusions? What’s prompting me to warn you that this isn’t normal or healthy…or aspirational?
Well, there are two main themes: inappropriate PDA and loss of identity.
Let’s talk about the PDA first.
The way Kourtney and Travis behave in front of friends, family and the public is pretty rude. I mean, do you not have time alone at home? Or do you save it all for when you’re out to make sure everyone sees it?
I’ve personally never related to the whole PDA thing. I think it’s lovely to hold hands or offer an affectionate touch to remind your partner that they’re seen and loved even when other things are going on around you. But Kravis takes it to a whole other level, with complete disregard for the people around them.
Their over-the-top public display of affection is what’s come to define their relationship.
And it’s not just for the public. The way they engage in front of their kids – ignoring their pleas to nix the kissing and touching – is emotional neglect. Just because you’re a celeb with an outrageous drummer boyfriend (now husband) trying to drive show ratings does not mean it’s cool to be sexual in front of your children. And don’t try to pass it off as intentional demonstration of a loving relationship (as Kourtney tried to do in one of her interview segments). There’s a way to set a loving example without making kids uncomfortable. There are multiple scenes in The Kardashians where the kids beg Kourtney and Travis to stop making out or touching in front of them, and the two parents simply laugh it off and continue. This is horrifying parental behavior.
It’s already hard to be a kid in a broken family. Even if the situation is amicable and there are two loving co-parents, the lack of a cohesive family unit will inevitably feel chaotic and scary for a child. Yes, there are worse situations. But just because there’s worse out there, doesn’t mean a broken home isn’t hard. And kids have no control – they just have to cope as best they can.
Now, add on top of the broken home a previously attentive mother now exaggerating and diverting her focus to the new man in her life – despite how the kids say they feel about it. It’s sad, scary and leads to a whole host of issues the kids will have to clean up for themselves in the future.
And then there’s the loss of unique identity.
So, in a healthy relationship, two individuals come together to share a life – to bring their unique selves into a partnership. But Kourtney and Travis seem to have melded together into one person. Not only does Kourtney now dress the part of a rock star groupie, the two don’t seem to let go of each other, even while walking in a group of friends or their own children. They walk into every gathering in a tight embrace; sit down at every group dinner table as if they’re alone on a romantic date; engage in one-on-one conversation while the rest of the party socializes; and choose food and drink based solely on what the other is having.
It’s as if they’ve completely lost themselves in each other and are holding on to their bond for dear life.
This kind of behavior isn’t romantic. It’s exhausting and stressful!
Now, there are some fans on social media chalking this up to #relationshipsgoals. And to that I say, HELL NO! This is not relationships goals! All of this is very odd social behavior.
It’s healthy human nature to consider how our behavior impacts others. Kourtney and Travis appear to be completely disconnected from that.
So, what’s the lesson here?
Well, there are many lessons. But what I really want to point out is how important it is to commit to our own healing and growth.
What we’re seeing in Kourtney Kardashian’s choice of men – particularly the fact that there’s a pattern to it – is quite common. We repeat cycles in many different aspects of our lives until we heal the wounds that perpetuate them.
So, if you’re attracting friends and romantic partners with similar personality traits or life struggles – and you’re consistently disappointed by the quality and outcomes of your relationships – you have to look back to yourself.
How do your wounds manifest in your personality?
What are your toxic traits?
How is your present reflecting your past?
And most importantly, what can you start doing differently to heal and break your own dysfunctional cycles?
As I mention in Heal Your People Pleaser Habit With One Simple Boundary, when you heal and evolve your behavior, many of the people attached to the old version of you will fall away. It’s a difficult but necessary process for improving our lives.
In general, I wish Kourtney Kardashian the best.
I wish everyone the best – especially those young Disick kids who have no control over the spotlight they were born into. But as I said, we must hold “influencers” and businesses accountable. We hold them accountable by injecting discernment into a runaway narrative that’s misaligned with the values that lead to better lives.
